Thanksgiving Day Slaughter!!!

 WARNING!  Some of the following images are graphic in nature.  If you have a weak stomach, are pregnant, a member of PETA, Democrat, or a tree-hugging hippie, then you may not want to continue reading today's blog.  (Though, lets be honest, if you are any of those things this WHOLE blog is probably offensive to you any way.)
WARNING!  If you are a member of the NRA, carnivore, Republican, or a Man, then today's blog is going to excite you mucho.  No, not like that Luke... perv. 

 So, since we started planning this trip, Mark and I knew we were gonna be down here for Thanksgiving.  We wanted to find a cool spot with a good kitchen in order to do the whole sha-bang.  I kinda knew what I was doing as far as cooking a turkey and doing all the sides, and with a couple references to the glorious internet (seriously, I LOVE the World Wide Web) Mark and I were confident to move forward.  So we made a list, checked it twice, and found pretty much everything we needed, even a frozen turkey at the super market!  Though, a frozen turkey wasn't our real goal...

For months we have been talking about getting a live turkey for Thanksgiving, killing, cleaning, and eating it.  Well, we were expecting to feed about 14 people and, hey, why NOT have two turkeys!?  Codo is a local Nicaraguan who runs the hostel where we are currently staying... "Yea man, I can get you a turkey."
 "Okay. Get it."  Game on, no turning back now...

 Mark and I have no clue what we are doing.  I have killed and cleaned a chicken once when I was a kid, but barely remember. Fortunately Codo is able to help us out and get us going.  First step, get the turkey drunk.  Seriously.  Vodka.  Hold its mouth open and pour in shots, feed it vodka-soaked bread.  This is so the bird relaxes and stays still for the, uh... "final chop".  Finally the bird is good and wasted,  and it's time.  Only one last thing, who is gonna do it?  Biggest Roshambo of our lives!!! Best 2 out of 3.  Mark wins fist, but I battle back with a huge "rock" play!  Then... stupid "paper" lets me down.  Mark wins.  He's the Axe Man...

 Codo grabs the bird and gently starts rubbing its head, getting it nice and relaxed.  Its eyes begin to close and Codo is giving Mark instructions of where on the birds neck to bring down the blade.  "Don't close your eyes man.  Seriously, you will cut my hand.  And swing really hard."  Ohhhhkay.  Codos gently presess the birds head on the cutting board, countdown from five, and quickly move his hand away at "one", and Mark swings the butcher knife... "OOOOHHHHHHH!!!"  The bird never felt a thing.  Not a bad way to go actually.

Codo grabs the bird by its legs and it starts flapping around "like a chicken with it's head cut off".  We hang it upside down for a while and let it bleed out, meanwhile we heat up some water to pour over the carcass to easily remove the feathers.  Mark and I quickly learn that actually killing the bid is the easy part.  Plucking and cleaning a turkey is messy business...

The really cool thing about this whole experience was that we were able to do all of this in the back area of the hostel.  Its kinda like a little jungle setup with outdoor shower and hammocks.  Codo had the whole setup to do it, with outdoor sinks and everything (he kills chickens back there too).  That definitely make it a lot easier.  This isn't something you can do in your apartment.  Though, I gotta admit it wasn't as messy as I thought it was gonna be.  I expected way more blood spraying everywhere...

This is Codo (on the left).  He is super chill and runs the hostel.

Below is the final product.  I did a cajun stuffing from scratch with pork sausage and chorizo in it.  Turned out amazing.  Mark did super good garlic mash.  We also had salad (thanks girls!) and corn, but the frozen turkey we did turned out to be literally the best turkey that any of us could remember having (sorry Mom, I can cook).  The wild turkey was a little tough and dry, but still really good.  Finally, these Finish girls had made a banana bread cake with ginger and cinnamon in it that was sooooo good, and with a little ice cream lovin' from Evan (AKA "Trees") the meal was complete.  Time to sit back, relax, unbutton our pants, and drink MORE RUM!!!  Hope you all had a GREAT Thanksgiving!!!  Until next time kids...  -Jefe

PS.  I'll elaborate on the next blog, but... I got robbed by two hookers and a tranny the other night.  I couldn't believe it!  I heard about another dude that it happened to last night, and apparently they get someone every night!  Its cool though, because all I had on me was Mark's money...