Thanksgiving Day Slaughter!!!

 WARNING!  Some of the following images are graphic in nature.  If you have a weak stomach, are pregnant, a member of PETA, Democrat, or a tree-hugging hippie, then you may not want to continue reading today's blog.  (Though, lets be honest, if you are any of those things this WHOLE blog is probably offensive to you any way.)
WARNING!  If you are a member of the NRA, carnivore, Republican, or a Man, then today's blog is going to excite you mucho.  No, not like that Luke... perv. 

 So, since we started planning this trip, Mark and I knew we were gonna be down here for Thanksgiving.  We wanted to find a cool spot with a good kitchen in order to do the whole sha-bang.  I kinda knew what I was doing as far as cooking a turkey and doing all the sides, and with a couple references to the glorious internet (seriously, I LOVE the World Wide Web) Mark and I were confident to move forward.  So we made a list, checked it twice, and found pretty much everything we needed, even a frozen turkey at the super market!  Though, a frozen turkey wasn't our real goal...

For months we have been talking about getting a live turkey for Thanksgiving, killing, cleaning, and eating it.  Well, we were expecting to feed about 14 people and, hey, why NOT have two turkeys!?  Codo is a local Nicaraguan who runs the hostel where we are currently staying... "Yea man, I can get you a turkey."
 "Okay. Get it."  Game on, no turning back now...

 Mark and I have no clue what we are doing.  I have killed and cleaned a chicken once when I was a kid, but barely remember. Fortunately Codo is able to help us out and get us going.  First step, get the turkey drunk.  Seriously.  Vodka.  Hold its mouth open and pour in shots, feed it vodka-soaked bread.  This is so the bird relaxes and stays still for the, uh... "final chop".  Finally the bird is good and wasted,  and it's time.  Only one last thing, who is gonna do it?  Biggest Roshambo of our lives!!! Best 2 out of 3.  Mark wins fist, but I battle back with a huge "rock" play!  Then... stupid "paper" lets me down.  Mark wins.  He's the Axe Man...

 Codo grabs the bird and gently starts rubbing its head, getting it nice and relaxed.  Its eyes begin to close and Codo is giving Mark instructions of where on the birds neck to bring down the blade.  "Don't close your eyes man.  Seriously, you will cut my hand.  And swing really hard."  Ohhhhkay.  Codos gently presess the birds head on the cutting board, countdown from five, and quickly move his hand away at "one", and Mark swings the butcher knife... "OOOOHHHHHHH!!!"  The bird never felt a thing.  Not a bad way to go actually.

Codo grabs the bird by its legs and it starts flapping around "like a chicken with it's head cut off".  We hang it upside down for a while and let it bleed out, meanwhile we heat up some water to pour over the carcass to easily remove the feathers.  Mark and I quickly learn that actually killing the bid is the easy part.  Plucking and cleaning a turkey is messy business...

The really cool thing about this whole experience was that we were able to do all of this in the back area of the hostel.  Its kinda like a little jungle setup with outdoor shower and hammocks.  Codo had the whole setup to do it, with outdoor sinks and everything (he kills chickens back there too).  That definitely make it a lot easier.  This isn't something you can do in your apartment.  Though, I gotta admit it wasn't as messy as I thought it was gonna be.  I expected way more blood spraying everywhere...

This is Codo (on the left).  He is super chill and runs the hostel.

Below is the final product.  I did a cajun stuffing from scratch with pork sausage and chorizo in it.  Turned out amazing.  Mark did super good garlic mash.  We also had salad (thanks girls!) and corn, but the frozen turkey we did turned out to be literally the best turkey that any of us could remember having (sorry Mom, I can cook).  The wild turkey was a little tough and dry, but still really good.  Finally, these Finish girls had made a banana bread cake with ginger and cinnamon in it that was sooooo good, and with a little ice cream lovin' from Evan (AKA "Trees") the meal was complete.  Time to sit back, relax, unbutton our pants, and drink MORE RUM!!!  Hope you all had a GREAT Thanksgiving!!!  Until next time kids...  -Jefe

PS.  I'll elaborate on the next blog, but... I got robbed by two hookers and a tranny the other night.  I couldn't believe it!  I heard about another dude that it happened to last night, and apparently they get someone every night!  Its cool though, because all I had on me was Mark's money...

Bocas del Toro, Mi Amore...

 Hello Blogsters!  Welcome back, and thanks for following!  Since my last post, there have been some good times and bad... but mostly good.  Marquitos and I just left Bocas del Toro, Panama.  It's in the Caribbean and its beautiful.  We stayed on a couple of different islands.  We left two days ago, though not before the Full Moon Party tonight, which ended up being pretty fun.  Bocas in general was amazing, but the trip there was not...

 To get from Santa Catalina, to Bocas it took us two taxis, four buses, and 13 hours to get to Bocas del Toro.  And these aren't cushy buses with air conditioning.  And whatever the capacity of the bus may be, they try and pretty much double it.  Bathroom breaks you ask?  Hahaha... that's funny.  Though, you don't really NEED to pee because you are sweating for 6 hours straight, in a 122 degree bus with people all over each other.  I now know what a sardine feels like... except they get water in the can.  Well, there are no shortcuts to any place worth going, right?!
 

 When we finally made it, we checked into a hostel called Mondo Taitu.  Immediately when we walk in we can tell its a party spot, everyone looks hungover and haggard... game on!  I actually got to know the owners of the hostel pretty well.  These two guys, TJ and Jack, 25 years old, who went to Princeton and bought this place and just live the dream now... crazy.  Awesome.  They offered me a job.  Don't worry, I didn't accept...yet.

 Any way, we have hit up some amazing islands and basically just relaxing in paradise during the day.  Swimming, reading, a little surf, trying to rip open coconuts...

Even though there are all these clubs and young bars, our favorite spot we found on Isla Colon was this bar called The Riptide.  It was just a boat that was turned into a bar/restaurant.  And it was the saltiest spot we found - old guys yelling at each other and hitting on young girls, smoking, drinking, fish stories, arm wrestling for beers/pride, good food, and great drinks.  Mark and I want to start one.

Another awesome thing we did was a catamaran party cruise.  Pics are below.  SOOOO fun!  We sailed around, all you can eat sushi and drink, doing flips off the bow.  Super fun.  Before I left I bought a new camera, its really nice and compact, but the main reason I wanted it is that its waterprooof up to ten feet.  So, on the catamaran I get the idea that I want to take a video of me doing a backflip... while I hold the camera.  It starts out great, but I hit the water and come up for air and realize I dropped the camera.  Mark is looking down from the catamara - "Mark! I dropped my camera!!!"  He yells  "GO GET IT!!!"  Logical...

So I breath deep and dive, opening my eyes under water, I can see a silvery glimmer getting smaller and smaller.  I swim as fast and deep as I can.  Still going, and actually gaining on it!  Finally, as my lungs set on fire, I grab my sinking camera and shoot for oxegyn.  I breachthe surface and extinguish the flames in my chest.  Holding my camera in the air above my head, Mark yells "No Way!!!"  Yes way.  I'm not losing that thing...  The best part of the story is that its all on video!  The camera was sinking lens-side up.  So I have the flip, the splash, the stall at the surface, the rescue dive down, the grab, and finally the triumphant return to the surface... all on video!!

Playin' some coconut catch...

The Riptide

Catamaran backflips...

Makin' some sushi...

Some of you may have already heard, but I was in an eating contest (YES Eric, Josh, and Adam - I'm FAT - OKAY!? And I enjoyed every minute of it!!!)  Any way, Mark and I met this Isreali guy named Uri.  Easily has 100 lbs on me.  The Beeeaar Jeeew.  He's super cool though, a gentle giant and funny as hell.  Any way, we start talikng about how we can eat.  Long story short, on the catamaran we set a time for the next day to have an eating contest.  I have to eat one pound of beef with cream sheese in the middle, and he has to eat two...

Hangover cure?  We'll see!

Needless to say, after the day on the catamaran and going out that night, I wake up hoping this guy has forgotten all about it.  Nope.  No way.  HE is all smiles and ready to go.  I tell myself "Whatever, put your game face on and man-up Towery." So Uri starts making these Heart Attack Specials, and my stomach starts to sink...  this is a lot of food, and a handful of cream cheese in the middle.  Bring on the meat sweats, its's not like I havn't had ém before.  So we finally sit, shake hands and its on.  No water, just meat.  I take a huge bite and realize its over cooked and super dry... swallowing is gonna be hard (say it Josh...).  Well, I power through and keep going, and at first I think I got him, I'm halfway through and he is still on this first pound.  But then I hit the "meat wall" and cant swallow.  Here come the meat sweats...  Whatever, MAN UP!!!  I battle through to the bitter end, but this guy Uri is a machine.  I'm sad to say he took me down Blogsters, but the crowd of the hostel is impressed by both efforts and there's high fives and meat hugs all around.  Yes, high fives are allowed on the meat box... and no, I didn't puke.

Okay boys and girls, that's it for now!  Stay tuned for the next installment.  I'll try and post sooner rather than later.  Mark and I are currently in Juan del Sur, Nicaragua.  We are hosting Thanksgiving dinner tommorrow for about 15 people, we spent the day riding bikes aroud town buying everything we need... including a frozen and a LIVE turkey that we are gonna slaughter tommorrow.  I'll take pics.  Sorry vegetarians, carnivors rule.  Happy Thanksgiving!!!  Until next time friends and family... -Jefe

Aqua Lounge Hostel on the water... giant trampoline and swings. 

Ohhhh Panama...

Welcome back boys and girls!!!  So, a lot has happened since the last time we've talked, I will try and get you up to speed...

Met up with Marquitos Mosquitos in Panama City .  About two weeks ago.  Panama City is a big, gnarley city.  That's about it.  And the worst Hooters EVER.  We went to watch football.  I have never seen so many grumpy hot chicks in my life.   And they were soooo lazy!!!  So we pretty much realized that without the girls being fun, Hooters is just another crappy, over priced restaurant.  Any way...

Marcodile

One thing in Panama City that was awesome were the street taco and meat carts.  The food was SO good and everything was pretty much a dollar.  Also we went to the canal and saw a huge cargo ship pass through.  We still dont understand how that thing works (pics are below... kinda out of order, sorry).  Each ship passing through the canal has to pay, and depending on the ship the fee can range up to about $350,000.  Crazy.

When we were leaving the canal and trying to get a cab, this other American guy jumped in with us and we rolled to Casco Viejo, which is basically Old Town.

Getting creative with the card games...

So this dude Shawn is an American, ex-military, and lives/works in Afghanistan.  Big guy.  He seems cool.  We get to Viejo and start walking around, and this kid Alex comes up and starts walking with us and giving us a tour of the town.  Normally we wouldn't bite on something like that, but the guy is really cool and knowledgeable.  So after a few hours walking around, Alex takes us to a little local bar that there is no way anyone would find.  We all hang out, play pool, and have a couple beers.  Well, time flies when you're having fun, and when we end up leaving, it's dark.  Mark and I are hungry, and ask Alex to take us to a street cart to eat.  We start walking around and there are tourist cops that keep stopping us and telling us that we shouldn't be going where we are going.  Alex assures us that it'll be fine, I'm not really too concerned and neither is Mark. Whatever, it's an adventure, right? 

La Punta, Santa Catalina

As we start getting into this area of town, it's apparent that we are not in a tourist zone, and this ex-military guy Shawn starts flipping out - spinning around, looking everywhere, saying that we are gonna get set-up, etc.  I reassure him that we will be fine and tell him to chill out because his behavior was drawing even more attention to us. I'm thinking "This guy is in the military?!" Yea, it wasn't a good area, but the allure of the chicken cart was too great to turn back.

"Mark, we are gonna die over trying to get chicken!"  We have a laugh and carry on...

La Punta again.  Really good wave.  Long paddle out.

Finally we get to the cart, Shawn insists that we get it "to go", he won't eat the food because it's "sketchy" (though, earlier, he was bragging about the prostitute he got the night before... the FOOD is sketchy?!?!), and we jump in a cab, Alex comes with us too.  Best chicken ever.  We get back to the hostel, four of us have a sit and grab a couple more beers.  As we talk and laugh about the day, Shawn asks Alex "We weren't really in the hood, right?"

"Oh no man, you guys were deep in the hood.  But you were okay because you were with me.  Don't ever go there on your own."

 No problem.  Good times...

After a few nights in Panama City, we head to the beach.  This little town on the Pacific side called Santa Catalina.  SO sick.  Great surf, 8-12 ft.  Look up "La Punta Santa Catalina."  Super chill hostel called Santa Catalina Surf Point, right on the ocean.  Run by this Panamanian family and a French guy who married the daughter.  The little restaurant was amazing.  The food was some of the best I've had, period.  And you cant beat the view..

Here is the canal and the cargo ship going through.  Its crazy because there is only like two feet on either side.  Its a real tight fit.

One of the churches in Viejo.  Really cool...

Here is the guide Alex and the other dude Shawn.  This is right before going to get deep in the hood chicken...

The restaurant/bar at the hostel in Santa Catalina.  25 feet from our room.  You just cant beat this for $12 a night. 

This is a parrot.  He bit me.

While walking around the city, in town, or wherever, taxis are everywhere.  They are constantly honking at us to see if we want a lift.  One day Mark and I are walking and another taxi honks at us and Mark turns to me a yells -
"Why do you have to be a 6'1" giant white guy?!?!"

"I'm sorry! There's nothing I can do about it!"

We're getting along great...

Finally, this is one of the weirdest things we've seen.  One night we are hanging out with a couple people at the hostel in Santa Catalina, and this dude goes "Have you seen the Ass-to-Ass Dogs?!" 

"Uhhh, WHAT did you just say?"

"Man, I swear.  There's these two dogs in town and all they ever do is stand ass-to-ass!?  Its the weirdest thing ever!"

Well the morning that we left, we were waiting for the bus, and sure enough...

Adios Rio! I shall return...

Rio, Rio, Rio.  What can I say.  It was amazing.  I am sooooo stoked that I went, and Eric met up.  We had an awesome time.  Rio got Gaucho'd.  The funny thing is, originally I wasn't going to go to Brazil.  I didn't really have the desire to go.  It was Eric who wanted to head to Rio, and I told him I would meet him anywhere he wanted to go.  Done.  Brazil it is.  Good call Eric.  I love you buddy, it was awesome.

Speaking of love....  we had some awesome beach days.  Since leaving on this trip, I have had an epiphany.  It's my To Do List.  Normally its fluctuating between one and two pages, and eventually I lose one and start over, which is fine because by then I have new things to do any way.  My To Do List has been whittled down to about three things a day.  1) eat something  2)  go to the beach, or whatever  3) what to do tonight.  It's really liberating.  What job?  What bills?  Keys?  I'm keyless.  I don't have a key to anything.  Think about that and try not to hate me...

One of the biggest reasons Eric and I had a blast was because of the hostel we were at.  Walk on the Beach Hostel.  Good times, great people.  To the left is Bernard, the bartender of the hostel.  He is going to University.  That's what everyone else in the world says about going to college... "I'm going to University"...  I'm gonna get that to catch on in the States. 

So I DID end up going hang gliding.  It was pretty awesome.  I think jumping off of high structures and cliffs is becoming a theme for me...  This is me right before we took off.  I'm standing on the launch pad.  You basically just sprint off the edge and start flyin'.  Its pretty much thousands of feet straight down.  We got about 5 minutes of instruction, practiced the "sprint take-off" one time, then just did it.    I should be sponsored by Nike and Red Bull.

One of the best things about bouncing around hostels is meeting people.  I have made some pretty awesome connections with peeps from everywhere.  Plans are already in the works for visits and travels around the world.  Even gonna meet up with some new friends on this trip! 

Life is good my friends, enjoy it while you can...

As you can see above, I get to check one more thing off the list... Mile High Club.  Boom.

So now I'm in Panama City and Mark and I have been having a blast, but it's time to get to paradise and we are not sure where we are headed yet.  There are sooooo many options, and they are all great.  Oh well, we'll figure it out, and I'll let you know.  It's not a bad problem to have.  Until next time.

Hasta Luego,

Jefe